Relationship experts say that compatibility is the key to success in long-term relationships. Having a compatible partner helps to create a happier, healthier and more trusting relationship for both of you.
Being compatible means that you and your partner are well suited and that you complement each other. Key elements include the amount of effort and time you devote to making a relationship work.
Jenilee Sheppard, a sophomore Art Major at Palo Alto College, said: “Long distance relationships don’t work. A relationship takes lots of talking, compromise and sacrifice. Don’t date people with too many differences, because then you are always arguing. Find someone you have things in common with.”
Knowing what is most important to you is one way to understand how you may or may not be compatible with someone else. Once you realize your goals and interests, you need to ask if your partner has these same ideas and values. Asking and answering the questions that experts ask will help you to form a general idea of what direction you and your partner are heading.
On the Relationship Gym website, physical attraction is listed as the most obvious level of compatibility, and when you see someone that takes your breath away there is “a rush of chemicals that flood your body.” The feeling of “sexual chemistry” helps people to notice potential mates and makes a more obvious connection. Without these “animal instincts,” there would not be passion and people would probably just pass each other without even glancing.
The experts at relationshipgym.com say people in relationships need to be compatible on three levels: physical chemistry, best friends, and business of a relationship. Needing to be physically attracted to your partner is important; however, you need to be friends and be able to talk to each other when the passion dies down. Business of a relationship means taking care of each other’s needs and wants, and having the same goals.
These same relationship experts also attribute the nation’s 52 percent divorce rate to the lack of compatibility at the beginning of the relationship. Divorce statistics show that Texas alone had over 74,000 divorces last year. However, if you are hoping to find a partner who is 100 percent compatible with you and your needs, you are probably expecting too much. Helpful tips include keeping your expectations realistic and your eyes open in case an opportunity presents itself.
Relationship expert Dr. Neil Rosenthal, a licensed marriage and family therapist, has been specializing in how people can strengthen their relationships for over 27 years. His advice on “important behaviors and attitudes that two people must cultivate” include: treating the other person with respect; open and skilled communication; figuring out healthy, positive ways of dealing with disagreements and disappointments; trust; romance; honesty; friendship and support; and having fun together. Having the same interests at heart helps couples stay emotionally connected to one another.
“The most important ingredient for a compatible relationship is having a shared set of values,” said Dr. John Hernandez, Professor of Philosophy at Palo Alto College. Hernandez and his wife, Mary, have been happily married for nearly 20 years and he said, “Values are the foundation that makes the relationship strong, along with spirituality and faith in God.”
Nancy Fagan, author of “Desirable Men: How to Find Them,” writes that there are five basic areas of compatibility that couples need to stay happy, and these include emotional, intellectual, financial, sexual and spiritual needs. The emotional aspect includes sharing feelings with your partner and not continuing to keep things bottled up inside. The intellectual aspect includes sharing interests, goals, and values or beliefs. The financial aspect means having the same thoughts on sharing, saving and spending money. Different people have different sexual needs and desires, so the amounts of intimacy between you and your partner should be comparable. The spiritual aspect means that you don’t necessarily need to be the same religion, but you need to view life with the same purpose. People in relationships need to make time for each other and practice the art of listening, according to Fagan.
For those of you who are having trouble finding a compatible relationship, the Internet may be able to help you. From chat rooms to match makers, there are tons of websites that offer to help you find the right person or help fix the relationship you do have.
The New York Times posted a top ten list of questions that couples should ask or wish they had asked before getting married:
- Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and who will be the primary care giver?
- Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending mesh?
- Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained; are we in agreement about chores?
- Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?
- Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?
- Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
- Will there be a television in the bedroom?
- Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?
- Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs?
- Do we like and respect each other’s friends?