Estefana Balderas (nee Morin)

Estefana after having her hair done in April(1967)

San Antonio, Texas

September 06,2007

Tammy Juarez

Palo Alto College

History 1302 - Fall 2007

INTRODUCTION

Estefana Balderas is a lady I met about fifteen years ago when I was only 14 years old. Estefana was born on July 20, 1948 as Estefana Morin. She was born to Juan and Ruth Morin. Estefana is the oldest out of eight sibling's three boys and four girls. Two of her younger sisters died at very young ages, one to a birth defect, and the other to an illness. The Morin family was born and raised in San Antonio,Texas. Estefana lived a tuff life, after having to raise her younger siblings due to an absent father who left his family when she was only 5 years old, and battling with her mother whose priorities were not her children. As a young child she longed for the love and attention of her mother and later in life from her husband. As Estefana got older in life, she went to cosmetology school to learn to cut hair for living but found it very hard to keep her jobs in the beauty salons because she was very shy and found it very difficult to commutate with people. On May 25, 1967 she married Armando A. Balderas in their home town, of San Antonio. Mr. and Mrs. Balderas had two children, first born was a baby girl name Lisa who was born on April 13, 1969 and their second child a baby boy name Armando Balderas Jr. who was born on December 09, 1973. Estefana is my daughter's grandmother. Keirsten Balderas is the daughter of Armando Balderas Jr. I have had the pleasure of talking to Estefana at her home on a Monday afternoon sitting at her kitchen table. The emotional interview about her life struggles, branch out farther than this project, lessoning and documenting almost two hours of her interview I am honored to share with you her life struggles and how she fault, not to make the same mistakes she had to live.

TRANSCRIPTION

What are your earliest childhood memories?
I remember when I was two years old living with my mom and my dad and my dad's mom. I never know my mom's mom, She past a way when my mom was about fourteen. I remember living in a littleЕ. Shack Е. It wasn't No house.. and ahЕ I remember my little sister was born one of them was sickЕ she didn't last a year she was born with that open spine diseaseЕ. Ah Е.Spina bifida she only lasted a year. And my other sister died ofЕ. AhЕ. What do you call itЕ. The disease you get in your lungsЕ. AhhhЕ Pneumonia she was two years old when she died. I don't remember her face too well, but I remember she was white and I think they love her more then they loved meЕ.. I always felt that way. (Her eyes get watery).

What are some of the happiest childhood memories can you remember?
The only one I can remember and that I won't forget, is when we went to the fields and we were living in this house it was only me, my mom, Juan, Julio, Josie and Rachel but they were real little. And that is the only memory that I have, that it was only us, no drinking, no men, nobody you know coming around sitting there drinking or nothing. That was the best time. That was the only part, you know when I was growing up that I was happy about. And I was only five or six years old. I didn't go work in the fields only my mom, Juan and Julio did. I had to stay home with Josie and Rachel, they were little, that's when I learned to clean, wash, make tortillas, fideo,.... I would make all thatЕ. Now a days you can't do thatЕ..they'll take the kids away (she says laughing), you can't even leave a ten year old aloneЕ.. but that's when I learned to do everything.

What was it like growing up, living with your grandmother?
I remember a lot of little things, when I was littleЕ but..ahhh.. Not exactly. We were living with my grandmother and she was really strict. She would not let us do anything. She wouldn't let us go out and playЕ. Nothing. She would like have usЕ (she pauses) you know like back then wellЕЕ there was no air condition, back in that day so she would sit us by the door and we would have to stay there.. Me, Juan and Julio. She would take us to church and you better not even look back cause she would pinch us... she was really meanЕ. (she sits back and thinks) I think something like me but not as bad. I mean me, I'm not as bad.

When was the last time you saw your dad?
I remember the last time I saw my dad. I was five or six and we were living with my mother's mother-in-law. (her dads grandma) and they were always getting into Е. You knowЕ ah arguments, Rachel was a baby. She was barely bornЕ and they got into it real big, and then Juan had these friends that would go into the fieldsЕ to Michigan to go working the fields. So after that time she (her father's grandma) ran us off after that big fight that they had and everything ЕЕ.so we took off. Juan had made a wagon. Back then kids would make things you knowЕ wagons, kites and everything. It's not like today were everything is made already. So we packed whatever we could in that wagon and we took off to Michigan to work. We were there for maybe about three months, and came back. And didn't see my dad again until I was about 15 years old.

What about school? What was it like in school?
I went to Broccoli Elementary, I went to Cooper Middle SchoolЕЕ but I only went up to six grade. When I was in school, back in that timeЕ.. It was 50Е or like 1957 around thereЕyou couldn't talk Spanish in school because they wouldЕ.. you would get into trouble

Did you ever get in trouble for speaking Spanish and if so what happen to you?
No,Е.. because I wouldn't talk (she says with a smile) But then I grow upЕ and had my kids and everything, Е.. and now they want you to speak Spanish ЕЕ(she says making a face) what the hell!(starts laughing)Е I don't understand that at all.

What was it like growing up in your mom's house?
I hated it. There was always, menЕ She was always bringing home different kind of man. She was always drinking. I remember a lot of times there was no food to eatЕ. But you open the refrigeratorЕ and it was full of beerЕ.. that is why I will NOT drink beer in my house... cause it makes me remember that....I mean she never cared about us. I remember the night that I met Mando (her husband) I had gotten home and everybody (men) was there drinkingЕ and I didn't want anyone there because my sisters were little. Sometimes I would even think I wasn't even born to herЕ. Because of you know the way I think and the way that I am. I don't knowЕ well I got there and everyone was there and I started telling everyone to leaveЕ. And ohhhЕ. she got mad. And she would always tell me these big bad words. She started telling bad wordsЕ and I went upstairs cryingЕ sheЕЕ she started yelling at meЕ.. (in Spanish) "I'm going to kill you" and she got a knife and she went up stairs yelling (in Spanish) "I'm going to kill you" Е. And everyone left and everything Juan and Julio went up stairsЕ to see what was going on. And Juan was trying to stop her and she kept yelling (in Spanish) NO!NO... "She doesn't tell me what to do!" I'm going to kill her. I'm tired of her always trying to tell me would to do. Then I started yelling at her (in Spanish) well kill me then, kill me then. You want to kill meЕ. Kill me. And that night I had been crying, because of what she been doing to me. So I went out with this friend and that's when I met Mando. And ten months later he told me to marry him and I got married. You know one timeЕ.she would only call you once. If you didn't hearЕ.you didn't know what was coming to you. So one time I was out there with my friends Е and I didn't hear her calling me. So the minute I came inside the door. She grabbed me by my hair and she had a piece of waterholes and she stared whipping me and I started crying and yelling. And she (her mother) started yelling at me (in Spanish) look at me you ugly girlЕ and then I would look at her and then she would tell me as she's whipping me "don't look at me like that" Е. Oh god I got a big whipping out of that. She was mean, she was a mean personЕ. another time ....you know I was only five years old. And I was changing Josie (her pamper) and I poked herЕ oooohh she got me... hit me on the head with the buckle part of the belt. And she open up my head.

After everything that happen with your mom. Why, didn't you ever tell her anything about how you felt, when you got older?
Back then you couldn't talk back. You know like you talk back to your mom and back then you couldn't do that. I had that respect for her. Or I don't knowЕ you don't know how much I wanted to tell her, but I couldn't... I mean more when she will start saying, that she was a good motherЕ.. oooh you don't know what would go throw my head. That I wanted to yell at her and tell her no it was not that way.(she begins to cry) she was mean.

Estefana and husband Armando on their wedding day at his mothers house with his sister Josie and her husband Jimmy

Your wedding picture was taken on May 25, 1967. Tell me about that day and about this picture.
I was eight-teen and Mando was nine-teen. That's Josie (Mando's sister) and her husband Jimmy. This picture was taken at ah ma's house (her mother-in-laws house). We had our reception in her back yard. About this day, I was miserable, miserableЕ. And cry, cry, cry. Because a month before we got married I found out ..what he was doing. He was doing drugs. I thought he could just stop and because I didn't want to go back home. I got married, and just hoped that he would quit. My whole life from the first day I met Mando my life was cry, cry, cry. (she says with tears coming to her eyes)

What kind of drugs was he doing?
Cocaine and heroin Е.he would shoot it up.. he tried to stop lots of times, but he couldn't Е I never realized how hard it was to stop.

Why didn't you ever just leave him?
I didn't at first because I wanted to get out of the house that's why I married him and when my kids were born, I stayed with him because of my kids. I didn't want them to be without their fatherЕ. Don't know why, he was never home anyway.

Estefana Pregnant with her first child Lisa Picture was taken when she lived at her Mother-in-laws house

Tell me about this picture, When you where pregnant. What do you remember about this time?
I was pregnant with Lisa. I just had my baby shower. Everyone use to wear their hair like this (beehive.) Mando wasn't even around; He was away trying to get help. And I remember he didn't come home until after I had her(Lisa)and four years later I had Mando. (Jr.)

How do you think you were as a mom?
After everything I went throw with my mom, I wasn't like that with my kids. Е. I meanЕ. to me, my kids were the first thing in my lifeЕ. To me I was a good mom, a good wife, I would always keep my house clean, making him dinner, I mean everything. I would do everythingЕ but he didn't appreciate me Е he didn't. Then I started hating him because all of my young youth went on waitingЕ.. Waiting and waiting for things to change.

After you had your kids did your marriage change?
No, he was never home. Do you know that all these people around here(people on her street) didn't even know I had a husband? Cause he was never around. He would leave early in the morning and don't come back until 12:00 at night or even later. From the beginning there was never nothing there. Like he told one of his cousinsЕ. One time that he was in drugs and he didn't realize Е. That he had married me Е it was... by mistakeЕyou know butЕ.. and he didn't know what he was doing. You know I married Mando to get out of the houseЕ. Maybe not because I loved him Е I think along the way I learned to care about him. But I don't think I was ever in love with him. But I stayed on Е.. then after thirty -five years I told him, if I have just one yearЕ.. I want it. And that's it, it was over and three years later he got sick.

You said he got sick. What do you mean?
Mando found out he had cirrhosis of the liver and hepatitis C Е he died on Aug. 6, 1999.

her first and only house she as ever lived in. 1971

After living in your mom's house and moving from relative to relative, how was it having your own home?
It was alright. I never thoughtЕ.sense Mando was what he was... I never thought that I would have a home. I mean I didn't have the best, but I had a home for my kids. Even throw my life was miserable with Mando cause he was never there. I told him, one timeЕ if you don't want to be with me and if you're staying with me because of Lisa ЕЕ I mean I'll go on, I won't bother you, he didn't answer meЕ and we keep going, and going, and going. Until I hit 35 years with him. He was never with us. Everywhere I went, it was me, Lisa and Mando(Jr).

Where your kids born already when you got the house?
Lisa was only two years old, and when we moved in, that's when I stopped working because I became pregnant with Mando(Jr.) and Mando didn't want me to work anymoreЕ because he didn't want me leaving him with just anybody. We moved in with only two hundred dollars. The house cost fourteen thousand dollars. You know that was one thing about Mando, even though he wasn't a husband or a father and he was what he was Е. But he always provided for us. He was a good provider. Even though he was never around, you know Mando would only bring home between sixty-seventy dollars a week. And I don't know how I manage to pay the house, to pay the light, the water, food and everything. He would make money on the sideЕ but that would be for "what he was doing" ЕЕ but the money he would make from work that, went to the house and us.

Do you think there is a big difference on being a house wife now compare to 30 years ago.
Will not really, because back then the woman didn't have to work, in order to make it. And now you have to have two incomes in order to make ends meat.

Now that your two kids are grown how would, you like to spend the rest of your life?
I want to be happy, I want to be able to travel, if I can to thatЕЕ.. I'll be happy.

A picture of what Estefana's house looks like today in 2007

Is there anything else you would like to add to this interview?
Just that, I have always wanted to do something like this, were I can tell my story.

Estefana at her home on October 20, 2007 photo taken by Tammy Juarez

ANALYSIS

Before this History project, Estefana and I have talked about her past before. I can't help but wish she would find peace in her heart so when she does tell her stories, she tells them without tears. I think the most important part in her interview is when she talks about her childhood. I believe her childhood plays a big part in how, her adulthood turned out. Growing up she was very shy and with drowned. I think mainly because of all the insecurities, she learn to develop do to her mother's physical and mental abuse. Although, Estfana loved her children as best as she knew how, we as parents will always make mistakes in the eyes of our children. But the mistakes her mother made with her were ones Estefana didn't pass on to her children. I know she wishes she could change her childhood, but what I learned from this strong, loving woman is that I didn't know before, Is how much she still hurts from her past, and after all these years she still cry's for what she can't change. My views on this topic did change from the begging, because I didn't think it was going to get as personal as it did. Although I gave the transition as accurate as I could. Estefana and I talked about so many different things and gave me so much information that I just couldn't fit everything she shared with me into this project. The one thing I hope people can see by reading herstory is how, the hurt and the pain is still there after all these years. I enjoyed doing this project and think this is a very effective way to learn about the past of our loved ones. Because when you hear the story first hand it just makes it that much more personal, important and interesting. I love you Taffy. (Estefana's nickname)

TIMELINE

Estefana Balderas born on July 20,1948 to Juan Morin and Ruth Morin in San Antonio, Texas.
Attended Broccoli Elementary,and Cooper Middle School untill the 6th grade about 1957
Began part-time work as a cosmetology in the earlie 60's
Married Armando Balderas on May 25,1967 in San Antonio, Texas
First child Lisa was born on April 13, 1969 in San Antonio,Texas
Moved into her house in 1971
sencond child Armando Jr. was born on December 09, 1973
Death of her husband August 06, 1999
Death of her mom on April 23, 2005
Interviewed by Tammy Juarez on September 06,2007

ANNOTATED BIBLIOGRAPHY

List a minimum of SEVEN sources. There must be links to each of the sources within the transcription.
Here are three examples of annotated sources plus a source for photos/documents.

The Handbook of Texas Online is a multidisciplinary encyclopedia of Texas history, geography, and culture sponsored by the Texas State Historical Association and the General Libraries at UT-Austin. It was produced in partnership with the College of Liberal Arts and the General Libraries at the University of Texas at Austin. Copyright й The Texas State Historical Association.

Gillette Specialty Children's Healthcare. General information about spina bifida.

Cost-of-Living Calculator. The calculator uses the Consumer Price Index to do the conversions between 1913 and the present. The source for the data is the Bureau of Labor Statistics. The Consumer Price Index reflects the cost of items relative to a specific year. The American Institute for Economic Research. P.O. Box 1000. Great Barrington, Massachusetts. 01230.

Medline Plus Health information. Health information on pneumonia. A service of the U.S. National Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health.

Wikipedia Wikipedia information on what is Cocaine.Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia and, as a means to that end, an online community of people interested in building a high-quality encyclopedia in a spirit of mutual respect. Therefore, there are certain things that Wikipedia is not.

National Drug Intelligence Center Heroin fast facts. National Drug Intelligence Center a component of the U.S> Department of Justice

Medicine Net.com Medicine Net.com cirrhosis ralated articles, diseases & conditions.MedicineNet, Inc.'s main office is in San Clemente, California, and the corporate office is in New York, New York. Please reference www.wbmd.com for corporate information. For ad sales inquiries contact adsalesinquiries@webmd.net

Medicine Net.com Medicine Net.com Information on Hepatitis C, Hepatitis C ralated articles, diseases & conditions.MedicineNet, Inc.'s main office is in San Clemente, California, and the corporate office is in New York, New York. Please reference www.wbmd.com for corporate information. For ad sales inquiries contact adsalesinquiries@webmd.net

Small Town Texas Projects. Palo Alto College student/s Tammy Juarez project on Herstory of Estefana Balderas,. This Small Town Project was completed in the Fall semester of 2007 as a requirement for Assistant Professor of Peter Myers History 1302 class.

Photographs and/or documents on this website were provided by Estefana Balderas. Provide some historical background on the photos/documents. e.g. Who is in the photo/s? Who took the photo/s? Where was the photo/s taken? When were the photo/s taken? Special occassions? Everyday life? They were from her/his photo album... Located in a big trunk in Estefana's room...

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